BabyCon Scale for work place preparedness

The BabyCon scale for work place preparedness. C.G. emailed this out to our team this morning:

Due to a number of strategic baby arrivals potentially impacting
operations, we are standardizing on a new reporting system free of
subjective ambiguity. We no longer will rely on mushy questions like
"how are you feeling", or "any news". Instead, all baby related
information should be reported in the numerical scale described below.
Modeled after the Defense Condition (or DefCon) levels of nuclear
conflict, the Baby Condition (or BabyCon) levels will allow clear,
unambiguous communication and rapid team response.

BabyCon 1:
No baby or pregnancy. Normal operating conditions.

BabyCon 2:
Positive confirmation of pending child. Also known as pregnancy.

BabyCon 3:
Visible manifestations of BabyCon 2 are no longer concealable.
Typically accompanied by awkward elevator conversations with those not
previously aware of BabyCon 2. At this point all team members should
begin broad based contingency planning. BabyCon 3 is normally marked
by a ceremonial gathering and gifts focused on preparing for the
strategic event.

BabyCon 4:
This is where all final tactical planning should be made. BabyCon 4 is
marked by phrases such as "get this thing out of me" or "I can't get
any bigger". It is essential for all team members to reenforce
plausible deniability at this stage. Standard greetings should be
centered around "wow, you don't look big at all", or "you are
positively glowing". Any reference to actual physical appearance runs
the risk of violent reaction, and can be especially hazardous to the
strategic partner in the baby process.

BabyCon 5:
Show time. Once the flash alert of BabyCon 5 arrives, expectations are
for a strategic communications blackout. At this point the baby
delivery team will be isolated from all other operational personnel.
Assumptions and preparations should be made so that both baby
operations and business operations can continue during this blackout
period. It is likely that the baby delivery team will try to transmit
one brief communication with some vital statistics, but planning
should be in place to accommodate a blackout lasting approximately 2
weeks.

Please forward as necessary.